Crazy little thing called lust.

I've been away for forever. In that time I started to feel something I haven't felt for a while. I met a guy. I guy I instantly found some sort of connection with. This never happens to me. I never meet anyone! After some prying, I discovered this guy appears to like me as well, which is always ace to know! Saw him again, was definitely definitely something there. How amazing! Now my biggest flaw when it comes to relationships, is liking someone way too early than I should, I just never know how to come across! Because of this I tend to self sabotage, and go a bit mental, which I did in this case. I'm an over thinker, and worry too much about things happening, that haven't happened yet, nor will probably happen in the first place. It is not an attractive trait to have at all.

I think I scared Mr Romance. Some things were said, I became totally unsure of where I stood. We seem to be back on the right track now, which is amazing. As not only do I see the possibility of something great happening, if given the chance, although there are obvious obstacles in the way, but he is also an amazing person and friend, and I would absolutely hate for our relationship to be ruined.

I really feel like I have burned my chance, which sucks, so bad. I'm going to see him again soon, but what will it be like? Can we resume to the sort of coupley relationship we had? Or is it back to friendsville? I'm gonna play it how I see it, and definitely not make any moves. I've made it clear I like him, I knew he liked me, but am unsure now, do I just let him decide if he wants to make a move? I am so childish when it comes to relationships. I try not to be, but I cant stand all this Oohhing and Arrrring, I dislike the grey area. I want to know that I either am girlfriend material, or a girlfriend prospect, or whether there is no chance in hell. 

I'm not one for one night stands or anything like that. If I do anything of the intimate nature, it's pretty much with the hope and intention of one day being their something. I'm not expecting to fall in love or anything. that's just far too much pressure for something that might not even exist. Feelings are weird horrible little things aren't they?  I just wish I knew where I stood sometimes. Am I thought of just as a friend, or am i thought of as 'this could maybe become something more.' Only time will tell.

Sigghhhhh!